Friday, September 19, 2008

May I be the first to offer you the Compliments of the Season sir. Happy Holidays madam.

Walking through Asda (owned by Walmart) in shorts and tee shirt with some chilled rose wine for the barbecue is one thing, but passing by the Christmas trees, spangly baubles and silver wrapping, is quite something else.
But stuff it. Santa, here's my list...I want

one of those MP3/itunes thingies because the bloke on the train tonight watched a whole episode of Family Guy and was shaking with laughter.

a mobile phone bill that's less than £100 per month on my £35 all-in monthly tariff.

eternal happiness for my family although right now, despite everything, they seem to have it.

a big house. and world peace. with no plastic carrier bags.

Boris Johnson to confess that it was all a big joke.

Somebody to explain to me that while we obviously need investment and backing to create thriving businesses, why we also need investment banks whose staff siphon off bonuses upwards of £10 million because they've bet -and won - on other banks crashing.

An end to junk email. I do not wish to inherit £100 million of somebody else's money from Nigeria, I am quite happy in the downstairs department thankyou, and I do not wish to re-establish my security code on some fucking bank that I've never had an account with.

Some people to stop waking other people up at 6am with snippers and clippers to snip and clip miniscule bits of hair that have apparently sprung out of some people's ears in the middle of the night. And to also leave their eyebrows, head, back and arms alone too.

The return of Larry Sanders as if he had never been away.

Universal adoration for Seasick Steve.

Slightly more regulated weather which would keep Americans happy. They seem to think that it's Brits who're obsessed. It's not.

Good food for all. We should all be able to have French or Italian diets. Preferably with a Michelin star or two. And everyone everywhere should appreciate all forms of Japanese cuisine.
Plus two more dinners (this year) at the Fat Duck. With no limit on the budget.

All women to be satisfied with their own bodies/looks/makeup/clothes and shoes.

All men to just slightly improve their wardrobe. And possibly their personal hygeine. A little.

And the great Barak Obama for President.

I fankyou. Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. etc etc

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