Naked slebs, huh? Britney, Lindsay, Keith, Demi. Oooooooh!
There's something about celebs with their kit off that drives people nuts. All that flesh. All those bits. Big bits. Small bits. Bits with bits on. Oooooh!
Except there's a large number of slebs that you really, and I mean really, don't want to see without their clothes. Or even a small part of their bits. Here's my Top Ten.
(in no particular order)
(1) Fiona Bruce. She reads the news. She's the no 1 male pinup for newswatchers. Very sexy. Even appeared on the BBC (Comic Relief) in some male fantasy costume. But no. Not naked.
(2) Ricky Tomlinson. Especially farting in character during the Royle Family and saying "My arse"
(3) Bruce Forsyth. Lovely, Didn't he do well?? Nice to see you, to see you....but not naked. Please. Too wrinkly, no toupe, just, well, no.
(4) Johnny Vegas. Ever. I'd unstitch the monkey first.
(5) Kate Moss. Just because you know what she'd look like and it wouldn't be anywhere near as exciting as her smoking a fag and getting paid to stagger out the Dorchester. And Pete Doherty, God forbid.
(6) Archbishop Desmond Tutu. It would just be wrong, wouldn't it?
(7) Tom Cruise. Well you'd be automatically converted to Scientology, wouldn't you? And that's not really worth it when you think about it. Because they're all a big happy religion out to save us all from ourselves. Or a bunch of crazy nutters hellbent on some insane plan that involves kidnapping innocent victims of their "personality tests" that they've been doing for years. Either way. Tom Cruise. No. Unless you're, um, the kind of person who appreciates the male body in all it's, um, beauty. Y'know what I'm sayin?
(8) Pamela Anderson. We've seen enough already. Ish.
(9) Heather Mills McCartney. Just say no.
(10) Simon Cowell. You could never look again, could you?
Plus lots of borderline cases like Cat Deeley, Bill Clinton, Quentin Tarantino, Bill Beaumont, most of my teachers at school (except the female ones), and possibly Michael Winner. Although I'm possibly past caring now....