Friday, January 25, 2008

Burns Night

A slightly updated version of the address.....
(c) E. K. Esq *
(with apologies to R. Burns)

The Chieftain o’ the puddin’ race,
In history now takes its place
Wi’ delicacies fondly kent,
Their tenure on our menus spent.
For Haggis has usurp-ed been
By Scotia’s ain nouvelle cuisine.
Our pallid, plooky faced complexion
owes much to this august confection.

It helps you work, and rest, and play,
“Aye, right!” the dieticians say.
So, anxious to resolve the matter,
We fry it in deep fat, wi’ batter.
For have we not, since we were weans,
attacked our arteries and veins
wi’ sweeties, crisps and all things fried?
Our hunger never satisfied,
we cry for seconds, even third yins,
despite the pleas of cardiac surgeons.

And pity we the fool who eats a…
saveloy or deep fried pizza,
when there amongst the pies and fish,
resplendent lies our National Dish.
As much a part of Caledonia
As midgies, rickets and pneumonia.

So all guid Scotsmen, spread the word,
Proclaim the carbohydrate turd.
And from the land of kilts & cabers,
go forth, evangelise your neighbours.
Cycle near and drive your cars far
All hail, the glorious Deep Fried Mars Bar!

* no reprinting without written permission
or yur heed's aff.






.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!
Now away an bile yer heid!

hammy haggis said...

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Nationwide said...

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!

LimeyG said...

Rhyming "third yins" and "cardiac surgeons"--lovely.

Harriet Hamster said...

That's beautiful I shed a tear

HH

Anonymous said...

hello from spain.great stuff.

Nicola Sturgeon said...

"And all at once, I something somethinged
A host of yellow daffodils."

Now then, if we all, like William Wallace Wordsworth, got out and enjoyed the sights of East Renfrewshire on foot, we might be less obese.

Food for thought. I'm not a real sturgeon.

Dr Findlay said...

And never cast a clout till May is oot..